By Their Fruit

At the church I go to the young adult ministry has been split by gender during our Tuesday night gatherings for worship through music and teaching.  As part of this, both sides have had an evening with a panel of folks from the opposite gender to answer a variety of questions.  In the midst of this I got the unique opportunity of not just getting to have the women's panel answer questions posed by guys but also to sit on the men's panel answering questions the ladies were asking.

In both cases a question posed to the panel was, "What are you looking/did you look for in the person you would spend the rest of your life with?"  With the women's panel (guys asking ?'s) the corollary question also came up: "What should I be looking for?"

Appropriately (and unsurprisingly) the primary answer was centered around evaluating a person's relationship with Jesus.  A couple swift guys were quick to observe that this presented a new challenge: what does that look like? (in their defense, the floor was not open for questions on the ladies' side so they might have been thinking along these lines, but didn't get the chance to ask)

Numerous times in the gospels Jesus speaks about the means by how his disciples would be identifiable - by their fruit (Matt 7:16, Matt 12:33, Matt 13:23, Luke 6:43, John 15:5, John 15:8).  Paul then lends a hand by spelling out in Galatians what some of those fruits are: "But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control..."

Now I don't know about you, but that list doesn't necessarily look like the easiest things to outright recognize during day-to-day interactions with people of the opposite sex.  Fortunately there are a couple other things we can key in on that can be potential indicators of the presence of these fruit.

-What sort of things do they talk about?  In Matthew 12:34 Jesus observes that "out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks."  Functionally there are two sides to this.  One is pretty obvious: what people are excited about they will talk about.  Girl who just got engage - case closed.  So the person who is actively pursuing a relationship with Jesus and seeing God work things out in their life is going to talk about it at some point if the conversation allows.

-The other side, since people usually don't simply walk around gushingly excited all the time, is to recognize that even when people are not excited about something, what their heart is focused on is what they will be most inclined to talk about.  If Jesus and what God is doing in and around someone don't come up much at all or ever it might be an indicator that there isn't a whole lot going on in their life to begin with.  (Note, don't freak out just because it doesn't come up every conversation - it's okay for someone to not display "oversaved" tendencies)

-How do they interact with people they don't care for?  Really this applies to all people, but Jesus was clear that it isn't much credit to people when they are nice to those they like.  Do they exercise patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness with them?  Or are they short, inconsiderate, or outright mean or unloving?

Obviously, this is nothing close to exhaustive.  However, for regular interactions it can be a good starting point.  If you get to interacting with someone more an more, either in a relationship or not, there are a number of other things that can be keyed in on to identify the presence or lack of fruit (interaction with their family, how they handle their finances, how they drive, their regard for those they work for and authority, etc.).  But for now this can be a starting point.  It can also be a starting point for checking one's self too...